Oh, The Grammar

I was at the dollar store yesterday, and, like everyone else, they have put out their Christmas stuff. Actually, they're a little better than everyone else, because I think they wait until after Halloween to put it out. Since they're a small store, they don't have room to have both Halloween and Christmas out at the same time like they're Jack Skellington or something. They keep selling their Halloween up to the end, so wait for Christmas until after.

I know tons of people hate that early arrival of holidays thing. I can sympathize somewhat. When they have the Christmas trees up in August, that's egregious, and it irks me. Christmas stuff on November 1st does not. I love Christmas, and I don't mind decorating a before Thanksgiving. For one, it takes a long time and is a lot of work, so you want it up as soon as you can. Otherwise, it feels like it's not worth the effort. I feel the same about Halloween. September 1st is the cutoff for how early you can start putting up skulls and gravestones in my book.

Anyhow, this post isn't about that. I'm talking about the dollar store. They had their Christmas stuff out, and they have a new addition this year. They have sets of battery operated strings of light emitting diodes. Some called them L.E.D.s or more commonly these day, people omit the periods on abbreviations like that, particularly ones that can be pluralized, and just write LEDs.

I don't know what the Chicago Style Guide says, or the AP style guide, or even the great Strunk and White. I don't think it matters, really. It's just the common usage these days. You could do the periods, or you could skip the periods, but the one thing you can't do is this:

It's weird, because the packages of the lights use all lower case letters. Weird, but at least it is uniform and understandable. Why does the box capitalize just the first letter? Hey, dummies, that makes it into a different word. Led is the past tense of the verb to lead. I led you down the primrose path, for example. If you put only the first letter in caps, then you make it into a word, not an abbreviation, guys.

The funny thing, as I was saying, is that they didn't do that every time. The packages above used all lower case letters. Then there was this box just below the one I took the picture of:

Now it's all caps, even the word lights. Lights doesn't have to be in caps, but it's not an error for that to happen, and now LED is not incorrect. The funny thing is that, if you look at the packages in this second box, we have yet another different version (why are they redesigning the packaging so much? These are supposed to be cheap, wouldn't that cost more?). 10 LED Lights. At last, they nailed it. LED is treated as an abbreviation and lights is treated as an actual word. Gold star for that one.

Of course, there's the metal, lead, that is pronounced like the past tense of the verb led. This is incorrect, but every time I see somebody do the LED abbreviation, I think that they are telling us that the lights are actually made of the metal lead...that sounds like led. Generally, that's just me being facetious. But in this case, to get lights like this for as cheap as this, it's probably true. They probably came the same factories that we've seen various recalls for over the years.

There's a saying in China. It's this:

能骗就骗

 As long as I'm not being deceived by an incorrect internet post, those characters translate to, "If you can cheat, then cheat." It's a mindset that is common in China, apparently. I learned about it from these guys who have lived in China for several years, and now do this show on YouTube called The China Show. I figured I'd throw in this video that I cued to a spot where they are showing what could happen to you if you get your hands on a poorly made product that somebody has cheated in the creation.

It's funny to see the look of surprise on the people's faces when their products crumble in their hands. 

I usually have to pay something like $3.50 for a set of LEDs for my Christmas trees that I put up with my toys as part of my Christmas decorations. I often wait until the day after Christmas, and get the lights on sale at 50% off or more, and then get the lights for closer to dollar store prices, but these sets are only $1.25. Maybe I should get them now, at the start of the season for less? Nah. The LEDs might actually be lead, and I can skip the poisoning by skipping the purchase. 

Or, even more likely, they might not have proper wiring going on, and will catch fire or something. The last thing I need is to burn down my house because I wanted to save $2 on a set of lights. Sometimes it actually pays to buy the name brand for quality.

Are You My Conscience?

It's time for another pedantic grammar post. Yay!

I was watching the Astros game the other day, when I noticed this super about the keys to the game:

There's a grammar problem in there. It might be hard to find if you don't speak sports though. 

First of all, to clear things up, the White Sox pitcher has the last name of Cease, so that first line will make more sense if you know that. 

Secondly, JV stands for Justin Verlander, the Astros pitcher, not Junior Varsity, like it usually does. That wouldn't be a typo, but it might seem weird for them to be talking about the Astros Junior Varsity squad, since the Astros are not a high school team.

Lastly, there is no missing word at the end of the second line. A fastball in means a fastball thrown to pass over the inside of home plate, or the side of the plate closest to the batter. So, that's not the typo either.

If you do speak sports, then you saw right away the transposed word. They say that the pitcher needs to make the White Sox conscience of his fastball. Oops. The word I think they were looking for is conscious. The White Sox need to be aware of that fastball so that they don't crowd the plate and take away options from the pitcher as to where he can throw it.

As to the White Sox conscience? I don't know how they're feeling about things right now. Do they feel guilty because they get to play a game for a living while getting paid more than people who work grueling difficult jobs cleaning sewage or picking up their garbage? Did one of them hit his dog before coming to the game and can't shake that nagging feeling that he did wrong? Maybe one of them shot a man in Reno just to watch him die, and still hears the screams echoing in his mind every time he tries to sleep at night. Who knows, but I don't think it has to do with the fastball in.

Or maybe the White Sox should feel guilty because they just keep beating the Astros day after day, dammit.

Oops, Shoulda Fixed That First

I was at the dollar store the other day, and they had a bunch of Halloween crap out to buy in August, you know, in case it's important to you to be the very first on your block to have Halloween crap on your house. While I looked at the stuff, I noticed this sign:

I can't decide if that is just a typo that somebody never fixed because Photoshop doesn't have a spellcheck or if somebody got a little too clever with their design and shot themselves in the foot. 

Is the S on the end of pumpkins a mistake, because it should say "Welcome to our pumpkin patch" not "Welcome to our pumpkins patch," or is it supposed to read "Welcome pumpkins" but then they tried to get clever and make it say something more if you saw the smaller print added on in white...kind of like this mug we got for my old boss when he left us a few months ago:

Only in this case they forgot to make sure that both phrases worked. What do you think? I'm actually guessing the latter. I don't think it was a typo. I think it was someone trying to be too clever for their own good.

Is This The Right Plural?

Is it mice or mouses? Asking for a friend who doesn't already know.

You're Fire'd

Saw this restaurant at the airport the other day. Can somebody explain to me why there is an apostrophe in that slogan? Apostrophes take the place of letters in a contraction or indicate a possessive, right? What letters does that apostrophe take the place of? I must know!

Very Public Typo

I saw this shirt in an add on Instagram the other day:

It's one thing when your Facebook posts, tweets, and Instagram posts are littered with typos, but it's quite another thing when you're trying to sell a shirt to people and you haven't checked it. Needless to say, I won't be buying that shirt. I wouldn't have anyway. Hocus Pocus is not my thing.

Homophony

I've only been at work for 30 minutes, and this is already my second homophone error I've seen.

The other one said this: "IT'S THE FINAL PUSH BY PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES BEFORE PEOPLE HIT THE POLES TOMORROW". Wah wah.

What did those Polish people do to deserve that anyway? Or are people hitting phone poles? Can't decide which is worse.

High Score

Okay, here's another one from people who write for a living. 

"LUCKILY, AFTER SIX HOURS OF BASEBALL, HIS DAY ENDED IN HAPPINESS, WHEN THE PIRATES BEAT THE NATIONALS 47 TO 45."

When I saw that, I was amazed. That must have been the most exciting baseball game of all time. 18 innings and 92 runs! Turns out the writer mistook the Pirates' win-loss record for the game's score. I suppose any non-sports fan might have that same issue, but it still is hilarious. 

For those of you who are non-sports fans, the actual score was 2-1. Not nearly as exciting, but much more typical.

Not The Bees!

Today's bit of fun from people who actually write for a living.

"THE BEES STARTED DIEING AROUND THE SAME TIME..."

Tee hee.

Writing For A Living

I don't write for a living (though I'd like to change that someday), but I work with a lot of people who do. I think I'm going to start a regular feature here on Facebook where I mention the fun errors that I see them make. 

For example, today someone said that firefighters were "dowsing" flames. I couldn't help but chuckle.

In case you're unaware of the difference, dowsing is using a Y shaped rod to locate water. Whereas dousing is pouring lots and lots of water on something. I know I'm an asshole, but I love it. Tee hee.

Something Missing

Somebody said there was something that "needs downloaded" to me today. I was amazed that someone would talk like that out loud. In my mind, that's missing an important verb, 'to be'. But English is always evolving, so I come to you to ask, is this a thing? Can you just leave 'to be' out, and get away with that?

Look Into It

It often amazes me how few of the people that I work with who write for a living actually know how to write. Homophones people, get them right!