Tuesday, October 8, 2019
Thursday, October 3, 2019
Not Really A Question
I was at the autoshop getting my car inspected, because my registration just ran out, and I noticed the banner on the bottom of the screen of the sports talk show that was going on.
The answer to their question is yes. That's how things function. If you work for someone, you get paid. So, the Cowboys should pay Dak Prescott?
Yeah, yeah. I know. What they really mean is should they give him a new contract worth a lot more money or not, and they're trying to convey that in the least amount of words possible. I just think they should have tried some different words, because the ones they settled on are silly.
The answer to their question is yes. That's how things function. If you work for someone, you get paid. So, the Cowboys should pay Dak Prescott?
Yeah, yeah. I know. What they really mean is should they give him a new contract worth a lot more money or not, and they're trying to convey that in the least amount of words possible. I just think they should have tried some different words, because the ones they settled on are silly.
Free Candy!
Moody Gardens sent in some candy canes to the newsroom for some reason. I don't really know why, because it's October 3rd, not December 3rd, but if you look at them a little closer, it might be apt after all.
That looks like a trick, not a treat. Each candy cane has a label. Notice the one on the left is a Kale Candy Cane, the one in the middle is a Krampus Candy Cane, and the one on the right is a Clamdy Cane.
I was about to grab them and take them home to my kids, when I noticed the labels. At first I only noticed the Krampus Candy Cane...that seemed fishy...and I hadn't even noticed the Clamdy Cane yet. Krampus looks like this:
So, any candy cane from him is probably not something you should eat. Then I noticed the other one was called Clamdy Cane...and someone else noticed that the other was Kale. Was it a joke? We decided to unwrap one to see if it smelled funky. He unwrapped the kale, and proclaimed it to be legitimately kale flavored. I unwrapped the clam one, and yes, it was pretty fishy.
I was going to smell the kale one too, but a third coworker held out his hand for us to give it to him. He was going to take one for the team and taste it. He bit a chunk off...and immediately and dramatically spit it out onto his desk. I couldn't stop laughing.
That looks like a trick, not a treat. Each candy cane has a label. Notice the one on the left is a Kale Candy Cane, the one in the middle is a Krampus Candy Cane, and the one on the right is a Clamdy Cane.
I was about to grab them and take them home to my kids, when I noticed the labels. At first I only noticed the Krampus Candy Cane...that seemed fishy...and I hadn't even noticed the Clamdy Cane yet. Krampus looks like this:
So, any candy cane from him is probably not something you should eat. Then I noticed the other one was called Clamdy Cane...and someone else noticed that the other was Kale. Was it a joke? We decided to unwrap one to see if it smelled funky. He unwrapped the kale, and proclaimed it to be legitimately kale flavored. I unwrapped the clam one, and yes, it was pretty fishy.
I was going to smell the kale one too, but a third coworker held out his hand for us to give it to him. He was going to take one for the team and taste it. He bit a chunk off...and immediately and dramatically spit it out onto his desk. I couldn't stop laughing.
Not Trustworthy
Maybe it's just me, and I'm a grumpy old curmudgeon, but when I saw this product in the cooler at work, I was not inspired to buy it.
LIFE WTR? What, pray tell, is WTR? With mass produced products in our modern age, you can never trust a cute label. Sure, I suppose I'm supposed to think that this is just a texting-style abbreviation, right? Nobody can be bothered to type the whole word these days. Not even a billion dollar company, owned by a trillion dollar conglomerate, owned by a quadrillion dollar multi-national conspiracy to extend Cobra's reign throughout the universe.
However, what I've come to feel over the years is that if it doesn't specifically say water on it, then it's probably not water. It's something else. Some horrible Frankenfood version of water that will leave you hopelessly addicted, appallingly insolvent, and tragically cancerous in the end. If they spelled cheese as cheeze, then it doesn't contain cheese...only cancer. If they spelled cool with a K, then it's not cool at all, it's just going to make your junk shrivel up and fall off.
Yeah, yeah. I know, it's nothing new. Mountain Dew has been MTN DEW on their cans for years, and that Big Anklevich hypocrite went right on drinking that stuff for years.
Funny thing is, that hypocrite Big Anklevich got diabetes, got stuck on a bunch of pills with nasty side effects that no one told him about, and has spent the last two years trying to pull himself out of the bottom of a well while all the firefighters, farmers, and concerned citizens up above have been extending a stick not to help him up, but to shove him back down in the dank, black water. That hypocrite Big Anklevich has become a nasty killjoy that has no tolerance for corporate malfeasance, government ineptitude and profiteering, and general societal malaise.
To hell with all of that. Give us real water. Real water that isn't filled with a crap ton of chemicals that they added artificially to hook us in. We're not mink that you can throw in a tiny box, feed kibble to for a year or two, slaughter for our slinky fur, and and throw the carcass in the Garburator like last week's moldy old poutine.
Sorry about that. I didn't mean to get all heavy in this post. I was just going to make it light and fluffy and say...uh, I don't think I'll drink any of your WTR, but if you have some water I'll take it. Then I went off on a rant. Just ignore me and move on with your everyday day to day. Nothing to see here.
LIFE WTR? What, pray tell, is WTR? With mass produced products in our modern age, you can never trust a cute label. Sure, I suppose I'm supposed to think that this is just a texting-style abbreviation, right? Nobody can be bothered to type the whole word these days. Not even a billion dollar company, owned by a trillion dollar conglomerate, owned by a quadrillion dollar multi-national conspiracy to extend Cobra's reign throughout the universe.
However, what I've come to feel over the years is that if it doesn't specifically say water on it, then it's probably not water. It's something else. Some horrible Frankenfood version of water that will leave you hopelessly addicted, appallingly insolvent, and tragically cancerous in the end. If they spelled cheese as cheeze, then it doesn't contain cheese...only cancer. If they spelled cool with a K, then it's not cool at all, it's just going to make your junk shrivel up and fall off.
Yeah, yeah. I know, it's nothing new. Mountain Dew has been MTN DEW on their cans for years, and that Big Anklevich hypocrite went right on drinking that stuff for years.
Funny thing is, that hypocrite Big Anklevich got diabetes, got stuck on a bunch of pills with nasty side effects that no one told him about, and has spent the last two years trying to pull himself out of the bottom of a well while all the firefighters, farmers, and concerned citizens up above have been extending a stick not to help him up, but to shove him back down in the dank, black water. That hypocrite Big Anklevich has become a nasty killjoy that has no tolerance for corporate malfeasance, government ineptitude and profiteering, and general societal malaise.
To hell with all of that. Give us real water. Real water that isn't filled with a crap ton of chemicals that they added artificially to hook us in. We're not mink that you can throw in a tiny box, feed kibble to for a year or two, slaughter for our slinky fur, and and throw the carcass in the Garburator like last week's moldy old poutine.
Sorry about that. I didn't mean to get all heavy in this post. I was just going to make it light and fluffy and say...uh, I don't think I'll drink any of your WTR, but if you have some water I'll take it. Then I went off on a rant. Just ignore me and move on with your everyday day to day. Nothing to see here.
Week Nineteen Update
Week nineteen was much calmer than week eighteen. No tropical storm to induce any freakouts and cheats or anything. I went dairy free this time. I didn't even so much as use butter for oil in my pans. How did that work? Did it make a big difference? Let's find out by watching the video.
This Is Getting Ridiculous
I did a post last year at Halloween time complaining about these goofy decorations that they make these days of skeletal animals. It could be a really cool thing, but they insist on making them quite anatomically INcorrect, giving dogs bone ears and so on. I thought they'd taken it as far as they could take it when they made this skeleton of a spider.
And invertebrate with an exoskeleton is now made up of bones. Okay...I did have some folks supply me with some fun possible places that it could have come from, like maybe it was one of those evil necromancers that created this creature from the bones of other beings, and imbued it with a hideous half-life to prowl the earth, scaring children and...I don't know, stealing their candy or something.
I guess that necromancer has been really hard at work since last year, because I found something even more egregious. Behold:
That's right, this time they didn't even go with a creature with an exoskeleton. This time, it's just a completely boneless octopus. The things flop around flaccidly even when supported in a buoyant ocean of water, and they've made a skeletal octopus. Okay...I guess it's a free country, and you can make whatever product you think the public will waste their money on. I'm also free, however, to call you an idiot for doing so. So there.
I did see one thing that I almost liked though. They made a skeleton of Cerberus:
Unfortunately, they gave him bone ears, so it's bunk and silly, and I won't be buying that either. It's all good, it's about time I save some money for once.
And invertebrate with an exoskeleton is now made up of bones. Okay...I did have some folks supply me with some fun possible places that it could have come from, like maybe it was one of those evil necromancers that created this creature from the bones of other beings, and imbued it with a hideous half-life to prowl the earth, scaring children and...I don't know, stealing their candy or something.
I guess that necromancer has been really hard at work since last year, because I found something even more egregious. Behold:
That's right, this time they didn't even go with a creature with an exoskeleton. This time, it's just a completely boneless octopus. The things flop around flaccidly even when supported in a buoyant ocean of water, and they've made a skeletal octopus. Okay...I guess it's a free country, and you can make whatever product you think the public will waste their money on. I'm also free, however, to call you an idiot for doing so. So there.
I did see one thing that I almost liked though. They made a skeleton of Cerberus:
Unfortunately, they gave him bone ears, so it's bunk and silly, and I won't be buying that either. It's all good, it's about time I save some money for once.
I Got Something Better
I put out my Halloween decorations video yesterday, and in it I came up with some goofy names for the superheroes that I replaced their heads with skulls. There was Skullbuster in place of Hulkbuster.
Iron Skull in place of Iron Man.
And yes, both of those are names that are already taken in Marvel Comics. That was kind of the point. Then I did this to Captain America:
And I just couldn't come up with a good name for it. I settled on the totally lame, Captain Ameri-corpse, and invited my audience (what little of it there is) to come up with something better.
No sooner did I do that then I came up with the perfect name by myself. I was thinking of Cap Wolf, which is what they call Captain America from a short run in the nineties when he was bitten by a werewolf and became on himself. It made me realize that Cap something was what the name needed to be. Cap Skull...no, and then I realized, it HAD to be Skull Cap. Because it's a pun! And puns are the best, right?
That's okay. I'm going to save that name for the eventual day when I write my Skeleton Crew story idea. I'll have the guys in the Skeleton Crew call the leader Skull Cap. That'll work.
I also feel that I ought to mention that my audience (what little of it there is) did give me one option. Marshal offered me the idea of Red, White, and Blue Skull which is fun on its own, but is also a play on the fact that Red Skull is Cap's nemesis. Not too shabby Marshal.
Iron Skull in place of Iron Man.
And yes, both of those are names that are already taken in Marvel Comics. That was kind of the point. Then I did this to Captain America:
And I just couldn't come up with a good name for it. I settled on the totally lame, Captain Ameri-corpse, and invited my audience (what little of it there is) to come up with something better.
No sooner did I do that then I came up with the perfect name by myself. I was thinking of Cap Wolf, which is what they call Captain America from a short run in the nineties when he was bitten by a werewolf and became on himself. It made me realize that Cap something was what the name needed to be. Cap Skull...no, and then I realized, it HAD to be Skull Cap. Because it's a pun! And puns are the best, right?
That's okay. I'm going to save that name for the eventual day when I write my Skeleton Crew story idea. I'll have the guys in the Skeleton Crew call the leader Skull Cap. That'll work.
I also feel that I ought to mention that my audience (what little of it there is) did give me one option. Marshal offered me the idea of Red, White, and Blue Skull which is fun on its own, but is also a play on the fact that Red Skull is Cap's nemesis. Not too shabby Marshal.
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