Monday, June 13, 2011

Marketing Failures

Yeah, that's right, I said marketing failures, not marketing fail. I'm not a programmer, I'm a wannabe writer. I can't bring myself to use the word fail as a noun.

Anyway, I found these two products in my bathroom recently, and I had to bring them to your attention, because they disturb me greatly. First:

Yes, that is a "Not Your Mother's" brand hair cream called "Kinky Moves." It's supposed to give your hair that cute curliness that you've been wanting, you know, nice kinky hair. Now I don't know about you, but something called Not Your Mother's Kinky Moves does not bring anything but the creepiest images to my mind. Could anyone possibly feel any different? Who was the marketing genius who thought, "Let's call it 'Not Your Mother's Kinky Moves' because you know, the kids will latch on to that one, right?" Or is it just that they never put the two together. No one ever said the brand name and product name in one sentence, so they never got the problem that comes with it.

All I know is that I don't even want to consider what my mother's kinky moves might be. And worse yet, this stuff belongs to my wife. I want even less to consider what my mother-in-law's kinky moves might be.

Now here's the other thing I found in my bathroom:

There it is, Bodycology brand Body Butter. What the frick is body butter?!?!! What is body butter made from!!?? Real butter is some sort of curdled milk product, right? So...body butter is curdled...what? What liquid substance from the body did they harvest to make this body butter? And why would anyone want to purchase it?

The funny thing is, despite all my ranting, I found these products in MY BATHROOM, not on a store shelf. So, apparently, the marketing still worked.


  1. Duh. Body butter is what you put on a body after you toast a it and before you eat it. Everyone knows that.

    Now about that not your mother's kinky moves hair stuff. Have you made inappropriate comments about your mother in law? You know, something like "Wow, look at her moves. Wish you were like her." Maybe your wife is worried.

  2. Body butter is obviously made of bodies. After all, you are what you eat. And, uh, what you smear on yourself... I guess.