Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Tougher Than Leather, Or Samoas

So, I'm on week two of this damned food challenge, and, as is always the case when sugar is discouraged, I have been assaulted on every side by free treats.

Often, it's not a big deal to turn them down. It's a treat that you don't have a particular affection for. But let me tell you, I love those Girl Scout cookies called Samoas almost as much as I love my own children. They are simply divine in nature. And yesterday, as I continued to limp my way through this food challenge of eating no sugar, I was eating my lunch in the breakroom, when someone came in with a whole box of Samoas (minus two cookies), put them on the table in front of me, and said, "here, take these, I can't eat any more of them."

I was like Roger Rabbit. My eyes bugged out of my head, I screamed and jumped in the air with my hands grasping my head, and I shouted, "P-p-p-please, Eddy! Ya gotta help me!"

Of course, all the guys sitting around the table with me should have pounced, but they didn't. They calmly continued eating their lunches, as though nothing had happened. One of them did say that he was going to be all over those cookies, but apparently he was waiting until he'd finished his dinner; like a proper, well-raised child; before continuing on to dessert.

And so there I was, eating my salad and broccoli, in a standoff with a box of cookies. They stared at me, daring me to not make a move, laughing at the inevitability of my eventual failure of will. They mocked me and my tomato slices with every chew. At last I could stand it no longer!

I grabbed the box, and started handing it around to everyone at the table, waving it under their nostrils. "Please, eat some of these. I can't take it much longer."

I managed to pawn several off on the others. The one who had said he would be all over them lived up to his word, eating six or eight of them. But after all takers had taken, there were still two beautiful, perfect cookies waiting in the container, begging me to partake. What could I do? Surely I couldn't let a golden opportunity like this go to waste, right? I could be forgiven for giving in. Anyone would, right?

I felt like Russel, in Up, when he asks Carl if he can keep Dug. "No," Carl says. Russel tries to appeal to his sense of reason, "But it's a talking dog!" How could you pass up the chance to have something that great?

But they're free Samoas!

I picked up the remainder of my lunch, my Gladware containers and stuff, and walked away.

That's right, I'm stronger than you, Samoas. I win this time.

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