Do I Keep Going With This Thing?

 So, on day 28 of my #75Hard journey, I totally blew it, and forgot to both read my book and take my progress picture, ending my streak before I completed the 75 days.

Let me tell you that I have been totally bummed out about the whole thing since I realized that I had done such a thing. I was putting on my shoes to leave on my daily walk when I realized what I had done, and for a few moments, I debated whether I should even bother to go on the walk.

It had become enough of a habit that I did it anyway, though. I decided to try the same path that I took the day before. Yesterday, things had been all screwed up with the GPS or something, and my log was wrong. I wanted to see what it would be like if things went right, so I gave it another shot.

After the first mile, I realized that I was walking pretty fast, and I decided to do my best to keep that up the whole way. I walked three full miles, and a little change on top of that, and here's what my log said:

Pretty awesome, right? A way longer walk than usual, but I still did it at a much faster pace too. Basically a minute faster per mile than usual.

When I got home, though, I continued to brood over the fact that I'd totally f@#$ed up, and was going to have to start #75Hard over again from day one. 

I admit that I gave in, and allowed myself to eat some cheese, which I don't allow on my diet during #75Hard. This of course developed to allowing myself to eat some chocolate, some soda, some Red Vines, and so forth. That was dumb, but I was back at day zero. I was mad. Did I want to go back to it? I would have to start over again. Did I even want to do that at all?

There's a lot of good that comes with #75Hard, but a few things that I hate. The exercise is probably necessary, even though there's a whole lot of it. The diet part is pretty crucial as well. I even think the daily reading is really beneficial as well. It's good to slow down and read on a daily basis. I think it helps to keep me grounded.

Do I need to do the hated things though? Maybe if I did it this time, I could skip the water thing, and just drink water when I'm hungry. Some days I might drink a gallon of water, but others I wouldn't, because I didn't need it.

See, I believe our bodies are made to tell us when we're thirsty...or hungry...or when we need salt, etc. There are drinks we can guzzle that have no value to us, like alcohol or soda, and those circumvent our natural ability to know when to say when, but with water, food, and salt, we always know when to stop. A lot of people have so screwed up their ability to recognize their hunger and satiety signals, however, because they eat mostly garbage that can't be classified as food, but when you only eat food, your body tells you when to stop. As it also does with water.

Pretty much nobody binges or overdoes it on water. You could, but it is difficult. If you're not thirsty, water just isn't appealing to you, and several times during #75Hard, I had to force myself to drink the water even though I didn't want it, and knew that I didn't need it.

I could also skip the daily progress picture, because it's kind of worthless. I mean, a starting picture and an ending picture is useful, but what's the point of a picture every day? There's no change from one day to the next. I could ditch that too, right?

If I did that, though, could I say that I completed #75Hard at the end? I mean, I could say that I did, but I suppose I would be lying if I did, right? Maybe I could just make up my own name for it, and say that's what I was doing instead.

I have a real problem with that idea, though. I came to this program to develop mental toughness and fortitude--the ability to say that I took on a very hard thing, and I conquered it. If I soften the program in any way, then did I conquer it? No. 

Will I develop the confidence that conquering a hard thing should give me if I am dishonest in this way? I don't think so.

The point is not to just say that I achieved it. Not if I'm lying. Hell, I could just do that right now. The point is to gain the mettle in the trial by fire. The point is to believe in myself more, to feel like I can do whatever I put my mind to. I can do hard things. If I can beat #75Hard, then I can do so much more.

I think I have to go ahead and start from zero, and push forward until I get to 75. And if I screw up again, then I start over again, but I don't give up until I finally win. That's the point of the program, and I'm going to keep going, because I want to achieve that. So, I won't quit. Tomorrow is day number one again. We'll see if I can manage even better this time.

I think, though, that maybe I ought to make reading my book the first task each day, so I stop blowing it by forgetting it late at night.