Why Is It Always This Way?

I've been on a bender for a few months. I was perfect with the carnivore lifestyle all December long, but a person only has so much willpower. My family had treats at the house every day that I had to resist. My work had treats every day that I had to resist. TV commercials showed me treats every day that I had to resist. And so on and so on.

With no safe haven, my sugar addiction eventually broke through, and on New Year's Eve, I finally gave in and at things I shouldn't. As is always the case, that sent me into a tailspin that lasted for almost two months. I indulged in countless vices, everything that I used to eat all the time before I knew better. 

My health deteriorated quickly, of course, because I have diabetes. I am insulin resistant, so my body didn't have anything to do with all of that sugar. My vision started blurring. I started feeling pain in my joints. My mental clarity and happiness declined. My feet started to tingle and go numb.

I tried over and over to get restarted, but never even made it through a day of healthy living. But, at last, just before February came to an end, I managed to get through a whole day. Then two. Then three. It became a habit that I thought I could keep as long as there weren't too many temptations.

Today, it turns out, is employee appreciation day. I don't remember if my work ever did anything for this in the past, but this year, they decided to go out and get some of my favorite, most-tempting candy...wait did I say some, I meant a literal crap ton of that candy...and put it out for us to have as much of as we'd like.

I avoided the Lindor truffles. I avoided the Hershey's Treasures. I avoided the Ferrero Rocher. Heck, I even avoided the churros with caramel or chocolate sauce. But, after only a few days, a good portion of my willpower has been drained away again. 

How long will I last before I break down again? It needs to be much longer. My body can't handle much more of these swings back in the direction of unhealthy eating. Pretty soon, I'm going to start getting nephropathy and wind up on dialysis or I'll get neuropathy in my feet, and wind up having to get them amputated. 

God, I don't want to end up in that situation, and I have the answer right here in my hands if I could only manage to implement it. I've memorized the recipe for perfect heath, I just need to get the ingredients together and get it in the oven. Oh, wait, a baking metaphor probably isn't the right way to go in this case.

I guess what I'm trying to say is wish me luck.