Wednesday, November 14, 2012
A few posts back, I told you about my diet/weight loss goal for the rest of the year. I also told you about my cheat day. At the time I wrote that post, the cheating was a recent thing, but since that day, the cheating hasn't stopped. I've gone into a tailspin, eating whatever the hell I want, and now my exercise has been slipping as well. Since the snow hit, it's just been too cold to go out running in the morning I don't know if the rest of you get this way when you get like this, but I've been really depressed recently. It's kind of a spiraling thing. I cheated, so I feel bad that I didn't live up to my promise, even if it was only a promise to myself. Being depressed makes me eat emotionally, further breaking that promise, so I feel worse, and eat even more emotionally, and so on. It works the same way with writing too, I think. I don't write, and I feel bad, so I want to be comforted, so I watch TV or surf the internet, and I feel even worse for not writing, and it goes on forever. So, I've been reading this book on weight loss, and it talks a lot about self-image and integrity. To succeed, I have to change the way I look at myself. I can't think of myself as a weak-willed fat guy. I need to instead think of myself as who I want to be, like a determined athlete-in-training or something. Because after all, if I am faced with a choice of eating the pizza and drinking the soda or not, if I'm a weak-willed fat guy, I'll eat the pizza, but if I'm an athlete-in-training, I'll probably make a different decision. The integrity thing is important too. I can develop a great deal of self-confidence if I simply work on my integrity. Each time I live up to a promise I make, my integrity grows. If I mess up, I re-commit, and fulfill my promises. In time (so says the book's author), I'll be someone with a great deal of confidence and a whole new attitude. So, I'm working on changing my self-image and developing some integrity. Hopefully, it'll help keep me from getting depressed and spiraling downwards. For starters, you'll never hear me refer to myself as an aspiring writer or a wanna-be writer or anything else like that. Nor will I call myself a fat guy or anything like that. I am Big Anklevich, writer and marathon runner-in-training. Hear me roar.