Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!
So, it's weigh-in day, and unlike others who are a part of this whole thing, like Tena, Tobias, Jeremy, and Marshal, I'm not doing very well. I'm really pissed off at myself. I'm like one of those drug addicts that says they're going to quit and goes to the rehab place only to climb the fence in the middle of the night to go looking for their dealer.
Needless to say, after these three weeks (has it really been three already?) I'm not losing weight. I weigh now a little bit more than I did the day that I started, and several pounds more than I did a few weeks ago. I have been exercising. I ran Friday and Saturday, and I ran and lifted weights on Monday. But I weigh more. And don't try to tell me that it probably comes from the weight lifting and that muscle weighs more than fat, because I know that's not the reason for the weight gain.
The reason for the weight gain is my crack-like addiction to sugary foods. It's sad, and a little...no, not a little...really embarrassing just how addicted and out of control that I am. I've been trying to be good this whole time, and I manage to do it for a good 90% of the day, but the 10% of the day that I am not good, I binge and hork down so much fattening food that I completely negate the 90% that I was good.
I am a glutton, and I am loathe to tell of most of my gluttonous exploits. It's really shameful. Most people, those that don't have the problem that I have, would shake their head or curl their lip in disgust upon hearing, and then turn away from me, feeling at least a little better that they are not me.
I was pondering on this whole problem this morning, as I weighed myself, and then refused to take a picture of the scale because of what it had to tell me. What can I do to overcome this shameful problem of mine. I've done it before, as I proved with that picture of me in the zombie outfit. I used to look like this just 18 months ago:
But now I don't. I'm back to the same size I was before I tried to lose weight that year, so 24 months ago. I managed to scrape together some self-control, and I held onto it for months on end, until I had dropped 50 lbs. I am still determined to do it again, and to stay there. And I think I figured out how.
So, last night, on my way home from work, I had to stop by the grocery store for my wife. She needed me to pick up two lbs. of roast beef lunchmeat and cereal for the week. While I was there, I went by the bakery section, because I wanted some kind of treat, and these days, the second I get the idea in my head, my mind will not stop pestering me about it until I comply. Like a friggin' crack addict, I am twitchy and distracted until I satisfy my urge for unhealthy junk food. In yesterday's case, I went to the bakery, and decided on cookies.
I bought the smallest package they had of cookies, which of course was an eighteen pack of chocolate chip and white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. Don't you wish they'd just sell them individually? Anyway, I got in the car with these cookies, and by the time I got home...which in my defense was a half hour later because my commute is long...I had eaten probably ten of these cookies, maybe even twelve. Ten to twelve cookies! In my belly! At this rate, I would look like that Mike Myers character Fat Bastard who is famous for yelling, "Get in my belly!"
It says on the internet that each one of those cookies had approximately 100 calories. Which means, in one half of one hour, I ate 1,000 to 1,200 calories. Now, let's put that in perspective. My diet is supposed to be a 2,000 calorie diet. Each day, I'm supposed to be getting right around 2,000 calories. That's because I'm a big dude. Smaller people are supposed to eat even less. If a woman were to be on a diet, she would probably eat somewhere between 1,200 to 1,500 calories. IN A DAY! I ate 1,200 calories in a frigging half hour! And this is me trying to control myself.
It's really shameful to me to admit the breadth of my problem. To tell that story of the cookies is hard, and I hate to do it. I hate to admit it. I normally would do my best to hide it. When there's treats at work, and I go back for more and more and more, I often try to curl my hand around the cookies or whatever and shield them from people's view with my body to prevent anyone from noticing that I'm back for seconds, or thirds, or sixths.
But I think that is exactly what I need to face. I need to get it out in the open. I need to use the shame to conquer my problem. So, when I say I think I've figured out how to get back to being that thin-faced guy in the picture above, this is what I mean. Look forward to a lot more blog posts from me, because I am not going to eat a single thing without taking a picture of it and putting it up on the blog. If I eat it, you'll know. And that goes for drinks as well, except water. I drink a lot of water, and it's 100% good for you, so I won't bother you with pictures of a bunch of glasses of water.
So, here we go. I decided this after breakfast this morning, so I don't have pictures of that. But here is my first snack of the day:
I'm not ashamed to admit that I ate a serving of almonds and a serving of strawberries for my snack. But I would post it even if I was. Everything will be posted. Hopefully, the shame will keep me from eating the garbage that I usually eat. Knowing that I have to tell the world just exactly what crap I ate seems like a good deterrent to eating junk. We'll see how it goes.
It's time to go eat lunch. So, I'm going to go take some more pictures. I'll post them tomorrow, and so on and so on.
But enough about me. Marshal, Tobias, Tena, Jeremy? How did you guys do? Post your results in the comments. And if you haven't joined our merry band of weight-losers, but would like to, post in the comments, and we'll add you to our fun.