Anyway, here's the video:
To you, it's probably totally innocuous stuff. A guy skating around. To me it was a huge eye opener.
You know how, you look in a mirror, and you don't get an actual exact vision of yourself. You see yourself the way your mind sees you, and not exact. And even when you see a picture of yourself, your mind manages to skew it to what you think you look like instead of what you really look like. But, for some reason, video is not that way. Maybe there's just too many pictures for your mind to adjust or something, but when you're on video, you see yourself as you really are.
Well, I hadn't seen myself as I really am for some time. Sadly, I didn't really like what I saw. Was that sweater really that tight on me? And the pants that I'm wearing...they're my fat pants. I can't fit my other pants, so I have these ones until I get back to a good weight. The pants look friggin terrible.
And now I know that that is what I look like when others see me too.
It was a wake up call for me. I needed to pull the reins on this runaway stagecoach that is my eating habits.
I'm running, so that's a good start. That burns a lot of calories each day. Which, sadly, means I was eating a damn lot of calories to outpace that. But now it was time to cut that crap out.
So, yesterday, I started in on being good. I know, most people wait until after the holidays are over to do that, but my stagecoach would probably have plunged off a cliff by then. I didn't want to wait. Dr. Seuss said the waiting place is no good in, "Oh The Places You'll Go" after all.
I was awesome yesterday. Thee were a few temptations, and I sneered at them. No, I did not eat the cookies that someone brought in to work to share with people...they looked pretty nasty anyway. And I even turned down the guy who offered to buy me candy or a soda as thanks for helping him get his sportscast together.
I did really good, and wanted to do the same again today. But then I came in to work and found this in the break room:
I think that's the biggest spread we've had at work all year, and it's nothing but cookies and brownies and garbage. Stuff I love to death. Like a vampire facing a cross, I hissed and ran for it. But that spread is so big, it's going to be there all day. Dammit. Will I be able to resist it that long?
I ate a grape from the fruit tray. Maybe I'll eat some veggies from that tray too. But I don't want the extra calories.
And another thing, why does this always happen on day two of a healthy eating regimen? Why didn't this come in to work last week, when I would have gladly gobbled it all?
Anyway. I'm still running. This morning, I ran four miles. I was a little tired from running yesterday, so I didn't make it five. But four is respectable. Now my mileage total is:
If I keep after it, I'll make it. And if I keep eating well, even through this season of temptation, I'll maybe fit that sweater better when I get there.